The Fan, Starring Shah Rukh Khan, and Shah Rukh Khan, Out Today!

Ok, so I am stupid excited for this movie. I’m a Bollywood Super Fan (pun intended)! I love this shit <3

I don’t usually put out 2 articles a day (or two a week for the matter), but then I saw this was out TODAY and had to squeal with excitement…publicly.

A few months ago the studio, Yash Raj Films (they make the high quality larger budget films from India), released THIS song/dance sequence –

How can you not want to get up a wiggle around?!

What you’re witnessing here is my favorite actor, Shah Rukh Khan as “The Fan” singing his praises to the super star played by Shah Rukh Khan. Nice. It’s like have a movie full of Brent Spiners.

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This is “The Fan” ====>_de9f0384-aa04-11e5-88cc-d150a333af9b

The studio rotoscoped his face for all the “fan” scenes to slim down his nose, poof out his jaw bone, and change his eye color. It looks pretty damn realistic. Nice work India. Embrace the practical use of GC!

Here are a few things I suspect we’ll see in this film :

 

1. Someone will be called “Raj

Partly because it’s a Yash Raj Production, and Partly because it’s Shah Rukh and I guess that’s a thing? I don’t really understand why it always happens, but it ALWAYS does. Interestingly, it often seems to be like an alter ego, cover up name. For instance in “Raab Ne Bana Di Jodi” his name is Surinder, but when he creates a macho super-cool alter ego to impress his wife, he calls himself “Raj”. However, in the instances that his character is already Mr. Cool Pants, his name is likely to already be Raj. My money is on the famous guy being the “Raj”.

2. Shah Rukh Khan will cry….more than once

A teary eyed lead fella is the way to the Indian people’s hearts, and they exploit it time and time again. I’m not talking about a little nostalgic teary eyed speech. I’m talking about full water works. The blubbering, barely able to speak type of crying. I’m talking Maria at the end of West Side Story Crying! It is quite seriously one of the reasons my husband cannot take Bollywood films seriously, it’s REALLY over the top.

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3. There will be cameos of top female Bollywood actresses in a dance sequence

I’ve seen this a LOT lately with the bigger studio films. It’s like Where’s Waldo of the Devi Girls. But this game is only fun if you’ve watch a shit ton of Bollywood like I have. I predict the following actresses – Kajol,  Rani Mukherjee, and Katrina Kaif.

4. The love interest will love who “The Fan” truly is inside, but “The Fan” tries too hard to emulate his famous idol, nearly pushing away true love…into the arms of the “other” Shah Rukh, Raj….you get the gist

Because that’s in EVERY Bollywood Movie.

5. Shah Rukh will make THIS Smirk – 

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And then he’ll do it while taking off a pair of sunglasses –

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6. They might go to Europe, either London or Switzerland, just for a dance sequence

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I’m not joking. This happens, and it’s bizarre. When they do show up in a European country, notice what their version of attractive white people is. Either white people all look the same or they’re worried their stars won’t look as good beside them. The latter is REALLY doubtful considering they have people like Aishwarya Rai on the roster who effortlessly make the rest of the world look like pig slop. I mean seriously? Is this real life?

 

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So the movie is getting glorious reviews. One of them was plastered all over my Facebook this morning –

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What’s with the top left comment – “Unpredictably, with a very convincing Shah Rukh Khan.” Well, I should hope so, it appears like he’s the only one actually in this movie. What does this even mean??

Tracking down Indian Movies is a LOT easier that it used to be. There was this one time several years ago a friend and I decided to watch Lagaan. Aquiring a version with subtitles to watch involved bartering the Indian Grocer. We had a burned DVD with NO subtitles, so we thought “HEY, lets check the Indian Grocer!” They had Bollywood videos for rent. We didn’t see it on the shelf so we asked if he had ever heard of it. He said no but he’d go back and check the copied VHS tapes that came in. I shit you not he had a taped VHS copy of Lagaan in the back with the name written on tape on the side. He checked it for subtitles and Bingo Bango we were in business. We traded him for the DVD we had and off we went to get drunk and watch Lagaan…once we took our friend’s kid’s VCR. #NOREGRETS

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It’s about the English occupation in India, and Cricket! It also contains questionable white people who can’t sing. It’s amazing.

So I’ll track down a way to watch “The Fan” and get back to you on my predictions. Til then..Alavida!

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